Laid Off Observations: Reggaeton and Cablevision equals Bastard Child Bargain Deals

Cablevision Commercial Annoyance: 877 393 4-4-4-EIGHT!!!!

It’s known that I have a high disregard for Reggaeton being that it is the bastard child of Reggae and Hip Hop. Most importantly I have disregard for the cable commercials that come on 85 times a day on every single network television station in New York City. Time Warner has a spot where a really sucky band that is a reminiscent DEADLY musical combination of the Goo Goo Dolls, California Dreams, and Third Eye Blind (sans the lisp) that will never be able to shake the stigma of doing a cable commercial is singing 1800 OK Cable over and over again. Yet, Cablevision manages to outdo everyone (including the corny neo-soul aimed Verizon Commercial with the lackluster singer with boho hair and some chic living in an unrealistic loft in some city that doesn’t exist) with this mind jerking spot with several annoying reggaeton associated points:

1.The rapper that throws in random Spanish in a mostly all-English speaking rap/song style -Pick one. Stop blending Spanish in when you feel like it to sound cool.

2. The accordion - I loathe the accordion. It reminds me of when my grandmother enrolled me in Polka dancing courses at the age of 9 at St. Peter and St. Paul Catholic School in Dearborn Heights. Why the hell would you stick an awkwardly tall Black girl in with a bunch of Polish girls I don’t know.

3. That fucking beat with the dum dee dum/dum dee dum ummm/dum deed um/dum deed um ummm rhythm - What’s worse is when they play it at parties and you think it’s the same song for the past 20 minutes. Then a person of either Dominican or Puerto Rican background informs you that it was actually 13 different songs. Damn it! I can’t tell! It’s the accordion messing up my capability to discern sounds.

4. Men rapping like bitches - I don’t want anyone singing a refrain or spitting a bar in a high pitched, whiny yet sing songy voice. This not only applies to the Reggaeton community but in particular targets Ja Rule, Mase, and Akon.

5. Jacked Up Costumes – There is this one part where this guy jumps out the water in a dragon costume to spit one bar about calling Canada. Why did we need that? Save your money. He was horrible.

Finally what bothers me is that PEOPLE LIKE THIS! Why? This is the most annoying commercial I have ever watched in my life. Apparently I remember the number not because I want Cablevision but because I have to share my anger and total disapproval to the world about how this bastard child drenched mess is destroyed my laid off television experience. Let me watch my trade college and accident chasing lawyer commercials in peace!

That is all.

Finish that report and quit goofing off.

Drew Carey...Can You Get Bob Barker's Autograph For Me Please?

The Price Is Right. It just isn't right no more.

I don't like this New Fangled Price Is Right. I don't trust Drew Carey's encouragement of my abilities to spin the wheel or bid on a showcase. The way he grips the thin microphone is just unholy and wrong. I bet you that they didn't even give him a new microphone so that he wouldn't taint the spirit of Bob Barker.

At least Bob Barker would get excited for you. Even if you messed up he'd give you that reaffirming back pat off the stage so that you could say to yourself, "Hey! I tried.". Carey does some wack ass wave you off shit. Screw your wave Drew! Be a man! Give me a back pat! Even when you win the showcase he's on some, "Yay. You won". No! Forget that! I expect pandemoium and Bob Barker-ish charm not some crew cut having man horse poo.

I have also noticed that my Black brothers and sisters do not handle showcase bids too well. I have watched several episodes during my laid off vacation, and noticed that we underbid like HELL on showcase values. The best part is when we walk off after losing with the eye roll/quick step to the left move after Sally "BlondeHead" does the totally inappropiate jump up and down move all over the stage and knocking over podiums.

Also I hate that jerk that does the "one dollar" bid and the "I'll go one dollar over your amount and steal your win" bid. Ass , you know that blue crystal dining set is not worth one dollar for one and secondly you try that one dollar more than me stuff on the show and win because I will take my Price Is Right name tag and slice your face open, choke you with my college affliated T-Shirt and spit in your eyes.

That is all.

Enjoy your afternoon friends.

The Gig Is Up

-The Streets Now Know. I Ain't Got No Job


As of this early afternoon, I was made aware by my neighbors that I'm not leaving my house like I usually do. Which could mean several things:

1.) They miss my work fashion show walks to the bus stop.
2.) They notice me. Period.
3.) They have some concern for my well-being

I assume it is a combination of all three but most concerning is that conversation I had while on my way to the bodega today.

(Some of these name assignments/characteristic may be politically incorrect)

Local man that works out the laundromat doing what I don't know: Hey Miss Prissy (what the streets call me). What you doin' out?

Me: Oh just going to get some kitty litter.

Local man that works out the laundromat doing what I don't know: Yeah B. Why ain't you been at work yo?

Me: Uhm excuse me.

Local man that works out the laundromat doing what I don't know: Yeah we ain't seen you in the mornings leaving...what happened you outta work?

Me: For the time being I am in job transition.

Local man that works out the laundromat doing what I don't know: Ah ok B. Well if you wanna work let me know man. You gotta keep that body and fashion game up! I know how you bougie broads be man. Shit you gotta keep that game on right?

Me: True. True. I have some things happening so I am not worried. I have dealt with worse last year. This is nothing.

Local man that works out the laundromat doing what I don't know: But yeah, we got you yo! Imma see what we can get for you. We could chill you know so ain't bored or nothing.

Me: Thanks! I appreciate it. I'll let you know.


Apparently, Streets is Watching.

Things you wish musicians did again so you can reap personal benefits

Mary J. Blidge -

You know it's true. You want Mary J. to hit that pipe one more time to hear that pain inside her voice that Keyshia Cole does so poorly. I am not saying that I would love her more if she did hit that pipe one more time or let KC from Jodeci smack her in the lip with a fountain point pen for the sake of my musical pleasure. However, I think there is something to be said for "Painful, My Life, Share My World Mary" that doesn't resonate with "Love Yourself, Jump Up Get On it, Buy Yo Self a Chrysler Today Mary" that makes me just wish for a minor yet triumphant return slip up that would once again make the Mary J. lover in us all rejoice.

Prince -

"Jehovah's Witness Prince" just doesn't do it for me. Remember when he was wearing butt out jeans and painting beards on his face (ex. Graffiti Bridge)? Considering that I play For You, Sign of the Times, and Parade more that 3121, Planet Earth, and Musicology I just want to see Prince really dive deep into his essence of women stealing (Rick James's Vanity), gender bending and suggestive lyric writing for last time.