Laid Off Observations: Reggaeton and Cablevision equals Bastard Child Bargain Deals

Cablevision Commercial Annoyance: 877 393 4-4-4-EIGHT!!!!

It’s known that I have a high disregard for Reggaeton being that it is the bastard child of Reggae and Hip Hop. Most importantly I have disregard for the cable commercials that come on 85 times a day on every single network television station in New York City. Time Warner has a spot where a really sucky band that is a reminiscent DEADLY musical combination of the Goo Goo Dolls, California Dreams, and Third Eye Blind (sans the lisp) that will never be able to shake the stigma of doing a cable commercial is singing 1800 OK Cable over and over again. Yet, Cablevision manages to outdo everyone (including the corny neo-soul aimed Verizon Commercial with the lackluster singer with boho hair and some chic living in an unrealistic loft in some city that doesn’t exist) with this mind jerking spot with several annoying reggaeton associated points:

1.The rapper that throws in random Spanish in a mostly all-English speaking rap/song style -Pick one. Stop blending Spanish in when you feel like it to sound cool.

2. The accordion - I loathe the accordion. It reminds me of when my grandmother enrolled me in Polka dancing courses at the age of 9 at St. Peter and St. Paul Catholic School in Dearborn Heights. Why the hell would you stick an awkwardly tall Black girl in with a bunch of Polish girls I don’t know.

3. That fucking beat with the dum dee dum/dum dee dum ummm/dum deed um/dum deed um ummm rhythm - What’s worse is when they play it at parties and you think it’s the same song for the past 20 minutes. Then a person of either Dominican or Puerto Rican background informs you that it was actually 13 different songs. Damn it! I can’t tell! It’s the accordion messing up my capability to discern sounds.

4. Men rapping like bitches - I don’t want anyone singing a refrain or spitting a bar in a high pitched, whiny yet sing songy voice. This not only applies to the Reggaeton community but in particular targets Ja Rule, Mase, and Akon.

5. Jacked Up Costumes – There is this one part where this guy jumps out the water in a dragon costume to spit one bar about calling Canada. Why did we need that? Save your money. He was horrible.

Finally what bothers me is that PEOPLE LIKE THIS! Why? This is the most annoying commercial I have ever watched in my life. Apparently I remember the number not because I want Cablevision but because I have to share my anger and total disapproval to the world about how this bastard child drenched mess is destroyed my laid off television experience. Let me watch my trade college and accident chasing lawyer commercials in peace!

That is all.

Finish that report and quit goofing off.